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Misunderstood Momentos
You're think i were used to it by now!
This time I will get it right.

I came close last time. I had the right area but somehow managed to get the system wrong and almost managed to send us into a fiery ball of molten gas. That's never a pleasent experience if you don't mind my saying. I wait for my master's order and ever the faithful servant punch in the coordinates again, this time with success. I don't feel the momentum but I know we're in motion, the synapses triggering the display alert me we're heading in a northerly direction accelerating at a steady pace.

It wasn't always like this. I had a life. I was the Lady Navelle Manchelli, only daughter of the deceased Lord Byron Bradbury and heir to the Bradbury Estate in Alderley Edge. I had a child, a husband and 3 Pembroke Welsh Corgis. At least, I did.  But that was before.  Before the wires. Before the prodding. Before the pain.

Before him.

Let me tell you my story.

It all began in the autumn of 2012. It was a fine day, as autumn days go in the North of England. I'd been out shopping and just returned to the family home when the most strangest thing happened; A blue box appeared in the driveway out of nowhere. Not just any blue box either, but a police box. The type my parents once read about in books and on Television. And then he appeared like this was all perfectly normal. Him.

In hindsight I guess it was a normal event in the day and life of "The Doctor". I never did find out his name. I think that might be my only true regret. "Doctor Who?" I once asked him.  He didn't answer.  Rather he just turned with a wink, laughed and offered me "Exactly" as he turned to twist nobs and flip switches. That was in the early days. Though time really was irrelevant with him. Minutes turned into weeks and months became seconds. We traveled high and low, far and wide and nobody at home was none the wiser. In Alderley Edge time simply continued normally and the weeks I was gone took no more than a blink of an eye. Oh the adventures we had. I remember sitting atop the rocks of Stonehenge as Merlyn chanted below. I watched as stars blinked out and kings long passed into legend took seat upon thrones of gold. And yes, I once watched as we hurtled towards a molten mass of heat from a collapsing sun.

Navelle Manchelli, Timeless Lady of the Stars.

But it all ended a thousand years ago in Atlantis of all places. There's something ironic about dying in a place that those who love you thought was long dead. We had been chasing what we thought were the remnants of the lost Roman Legion who had designs on reincarnating a robot Julius Ceasar. Just as ruthless but near impossible to kill the Doctor had said.  "Legions of Cybermen would fall upon this world and destroy it", he had told me. I had laughed at the idea of lines and lines of Wall-E's marching on London. I'd been wrong. Oh so wrong. The TARDIS had told us there were 30 of these Cybermen in Atlantis all synched to a central computer. The mission was simple. I would disengage the dish on the signal tower while the Doctor went into the Main Frame to upload a virus that would terminate every Cyberman connected to the network.

The Doctor got it wrong.  We all got it wrong. The Cybermen were smart and the trap had been prepared centuries earlier. That's the thing about time travel, the entire concept of "time" becomes pointless. I arrived at the dish to place the EMF charges as to the plan, and as the TARDIS left to take the Doctor to the main computer doors opened out of space in all around me and hundreds of Cybermen marched out. I was surrounded. I called for the Doctor but it was too late, the TARDIS was gone.

I was carried from the tower by the Cybermen as the commander was telling me how they would improve my hardware, upgrade my software and remove my faults. I cried for help but none came. I knew what they had planned. The Doctor had told me about the Cybermen on Atlantis.

Recruits were "Made" through 4 separate stages.  First came the conscience storage where the victims conscience were downloaded into a temporary RAM system. Then came the hardware transfer upgrade where the organic body was "fused" with the metal aloy frame. Next the conscience was uploaded into the new body and edited to remove core human functions such as emotions. Lastly the Cybermen linked the body to a central hub.  This last stage was a safeguard to ensure that no Cyberman could rebel against their command, something earlier versions of the Cyberman did not have.

I was strapped down as tears streamed down my face. Thoughts of my family flashed. Would they miss me. Would they ever know what happened? Why was this happening? Where was The Doctor?

A wave of cold washed over me and I felt a tingling sensation on the left side of my head and then everything went black. In the distance I could hear a Cyberman speaking to the commander, "Conscience Download Complete, System Hardware Delete Initiated". Pain exploded all across my body and then nothing.

The Doctor told me some time later how he had shut down the Main Frame before my transformed cyberman body could be linked to the network. All the Cybermen had died in an instant and without the final transferrence of my conscience my new Cyberman body had soon failed also. The Timeless Lady of the Stars was no more, at least I thought so.  The Doctor, that clever man, had other ideas.

In a desperate move to save at least part of me he had the TARDIS travel to modern day and uploaded my conscience into a small unit that tapped directly into the only network large enough to power a Cybernetic Conscience - the Global Satelite grid.

The Doctor helped me, so that I may help you.  "In 200 Meters, Turn Left."

I am the traveler of Stars, the voice of direction.  I am the only survivor of a doomed Atlantis and the last cyberman of its kind.

I am the Lady Navelle Manchelli, Dutchess of Lancer but you may simply call me Navman.

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Current Location: Home
Current Mood: tired tired
Current Music: Doctor Who Theme

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Over the last few days it's felt a bit this like i'm on a boat, stuck in a storm.

I bet when Samuel Taylor Coleridge first penned The Rime of the Ancient Mariner in 1798 he would never have thought of 2 guys sitting in a late model Nissan Pulsar driving through half a foot of (quickly rising) flood waters.  But alas, that has been our situation.

Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.

Last week as we're driving back from Goondiwindi we drove through some pretty fast rising waters and discovered that the road was closed just minutes after we got through.  Then later that day the road through Aratula was closed only an hour after we got through it.  Yes, it was raining... hard, and yeah, there was flooding pretty bad.  We got lucky.

In mist or cloud, on mast or shroud,
It perched for vespers nine;
Whiles all the night, through fog-smoke white,
Glimmered the white moonshine.

Yesterday while driving north from Brisbane to Childers we hit some pretty heavy rain and once again found ourselves in the midst of not just a little rising rainwater, but at least 4 major areas where the water wasn't just at the road level, but was moving OVER the road at some pretty amazing speed.  Luckily for us we were following other vehicles so knew how deep the waters were and got though ok.  The last of these crossing had the water about 3/4 of a foot deep and rising VERY fast.  We got to Childers only to find out that once again the road had been closed just minutes after we got through.

The fair breeze blew, the white foam flew,
The furrow followed free;
We were the first that ever burst
Into that silent sea.

This morning we did the first of our stocktakes, which went pretty well.  As were were soon to end though the heavens opened and down came this torrent that would make Huka bloody falls cower in fear and intimidation.  Just kidding, but it did rain pretty damn hard, and the sky blackened to the colour of Crowly's damned soul.

And some in dreams assured were
Of the Spirit that plagued us so;
Nine fathom deep he had followed us
From the land of mist and snow.

The rain stopped though before we left the job and the drive here was fairly uneventful, lucky for us.  I'm a bit over this whole dodging flood torrents thing.  I know we live in Queensland and flooding seems to be a bit of a thing here but damn, enough is enough.

See! see! (I cried) she tacks no more!
Hither to work us weal;
Without a breeze, without a tide,
She steadies with upright keel!

BTW... if you ever want to read a truly impressive, truly magical piece of literature, I very much recommend reading the full Poem that i've been quoting above.  Tennyson and Shakespear may get more credit, but Coleridge was a literary genius that seems to get overlooked far too often.  His story of the Mariner is intense, with peaks and valleys of emotions.  You can read the full poem here: http://www.famousliteraryworks.com/coleridge_rime_of_the_ancient_mariner.htm

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Current Location: Bundaberg, Qld
Current Mood: deep
Current Music: None

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15 months ago the world changed.  Maybe not for you, but for me the very fabric of my world came crumbling down in a cold hard dose of gut wrenching reality.

You see, 15 months ago possibly the only person who ever understood me (with the exception of Wendy) said a final goodbye to this world and moved onto the next.  To the world, to my family and friends, I lost my mum.  To me, I lost more than that.

I have never told anybody this before, but as I sit here in a hotel room in Cairns, miles from the woman I love who incidently happens to be the ONLY remaining person on this earth who has ever fully "got me" I contemplate what was, what became to be and what is.  And I feel sad.  Not because I lost mum, but because other than Wendy and I nobody really knows just how important she was to me.  And to me being here today.

Growing up was hard.  I never had the looks or charm of my older brother and I never had the, well, looks and calm persona of my younger brother.  To make things "more difficult" I was the one gifted with the misunderstood yet oft ridiculed Tourette Syndrome.  Oh, and I was the middle child.  Yes, Life as hard.

I never really had friends.  Most people who met me were repulsed by my tics, or were distanced by their lack of understanding or not knowing "how" to deal with me.  Sadly, this often included my own older brother who in my younger days was my best friend.  I idolised the guy. But that changed when I hit puberty and TS came along.  That friendship kind of vanished.  The guy i worshipped became the guy who didn't appear to want to know me.  While this was happening school life as equally as bad.  I lost friends, made bitter enemies and people who didn't know me would go out of their way to insult me, ridicule me and discriminate against me because I was "different".

If home life was a challenge, school life was impossiple.  Teachers, the very people who are supposed to encourage support within the classroom were, forgive my language, assholes.  They didn't understand me, and didn't try to, either.  I was at constant war with highschool. To fit in, to belond.  Hell, to be treated as a human being.  And when things were at their worse only one person had my back.  Mum.  I rememeber her going down to the school and tearing the principle a new hole.  She always had my back, my mum did.  The number of times she visitied my school to help educate the teachers about TS and about me were a huge help in my education.  I wasn't the perfect child but she always had my back.  All those times i screamed that i hated my parents will haunt me forever.

But the torment continued.  Life was hard.  My grades suffered so my career opportunities suffered.  I struggled to make friends.  I struggled to get through each day.  TS controlled my life like an iron grip on my throat, and the medication I took for it had side effects that (in hindsight) were an even bigger issues.  I gave up.  Life sometimes gets too hard.  I know many of you wont understand that, and I hope you never do.  But take it from me sometimes life gets simply too much.  You reach the point where you can't breathe.  Can't move.  Can't think.  It irks me when I see shows about suicide and family members say things like "I didn't know it was so bad".  You can't know it's that bad.  If you did, you would be thinking of killing yourself, too.  Know, sadly, when it comes to this kind of thing you have to have been there to begin to understand what it's "like".

It got that hard for me.  At 15 when most kids are thinking about blitzing School Certificate (in NZ) I was thinking some of the darkest thoughts I've ever hard.  Life stopped having meaning.  Day after day became a chore.  A painful expression of self.  I gave up hope.  I gave up faith in people.  In school.  In friends, and even in family.  I gave up.

But as though guided by some spirit, mum was always there.  An ever present, ever constant presense in my life.  She knew my thoughts even without me telling her.  She suspected, I guess, that things were that bad.  she never judged me.  Instead she loved me.  She never promised me things would be perfect, but through her actions she promised me she would alwasys be there to watch over me and guide me.

In short, mum saved my life.  She pulled me back from the brink of death.  I owe my life to her in more ways than one.

I was my fiends reading this to know just how amazing my mother was.  A nurturer, a supporter, a life bringer and a life saver.  And a best friend.

Until now i doubt anybody on the face of this earth truly understand just what mum did for me.  At mums funeral when I was invited to help read the eulogy I chose not to.  Not because I didn't want to, but because it was simply too hard for me.  My family at the time didn't get that.  They couldn't, they had no idea what I went thought.  I doubt they do now, 15 months later.  They can't and I doubt they ever truly will.   That makes me even more sad, because i feel even more distanced from my family now than I did 15 months ago.

I wanted you all to know who mum was.  She is the reason i'm alive today.  She was my best friend, my confidant and my number one supporter.

Bless you mum, wherever you are.  I miss you, and love you.

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Current Location: Cairns, Qld, Australia
Current Mood: sad sad
Current Music: none

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I'm thinking. A concept poetry book.  A dark journey into the twisted mind of a slightly mad stocktaker as he journeys, counts and collates his way to an epic conclusion.

I'm thinking.

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Current Mood: Thoughtful
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It's on Tuesday evening, but damn i'm buggered.  That is to say stuffed, or majorly buggered.  Since Sunday afternoon I have worked 5 jobs.  Yes, your math is correct, that's 2 a day plus one on Sunday.  And this week continues this way.  2 tomorrow, 2 on thursday, 2 on Friday and another one Saturday morning.  11 jobs over 6 days, 9 of which i'm running.

Don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining.  It's a good tired.  It feels good to be tired due to working a ton.

Just thought i'd share.

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Current Mood: tired tired
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Did you ever stop and think one day, "hey, this is not how i planned life to be".  It makes you think, doesn't it?  Very few people in this world ever get the life they wanted, because life my dear friends is a asshole.  It sucks, and just when you think shit is going to go your way, life will jump out waving it's feral arms and scream "SUPRISE!".

Then you have those annoying, glass half full fuckers who like to say shit like "life is what you make it" or "positive things come to positive people".  You know what, those people are fucking idiots.  Not once in my life did i ever "make" the health issues my lovely wife has, or the need for the medication she takes, or the shit side effects that those meds give her.  Just like I didn't "make" the egocentric, selfish and single minded shitheads that used to be our friends.  I can be a positive person, but are streamers, chants and all round happy thoughts going to help fix our problems?  No, they fucking wont, will they!  Happy, positive thoughts wont fix shit.  All that shit does is helps you pretend your shit don't quite stink so bad!

Realism mother fuckers.. that's what the world needs.  A gigantic dose of realism.  Life sucks.  You make of it what you can, and for most people, that's going to pretty much suck.

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Current Location: Nowhere of interest.
Current Mood: whatever
Current Music: Imaginarium (Nightwish)

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it's 2014.  according to some idiots online it's either the 2014th anniversary of the earth or the 2014th anniversary of America.  I'm not sure about those douchebags, but I know this... 2014 is going to be far better than the last one.

So work started up again this week.  Straight back into things which has been good.  Saying that, over the New Years break I did 2 big jobs (Dec 31st and Jan 2nd) at Best Friends Pet Superstores so was nice to have an extra small payday during what is usually a no-pay 3 week period.  Have been doing clothing stores all this week and it looks like a few more plus 711's next week - 3 of them out of town so extra travel, too.

Oh and on the talk of work.. THIS happened!  I was named top stocktaker in Queensland for the 4th quarter of 2013.  Go me, right?!?!  I couldn't do it without the crews I work with, so it's really Not "all" about me, at least, not entirely. LOL

Lots of things planned for this year and we've started making plans to get things organised and streamlined to ensure things happen the way we want them to.  Biggest step going forward will be making changes to get some of our biggest bills paid off sooner while also saving for a trip later this year in September.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: Happy
Current Music: None

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We've all had those "moment when" situations.  In the last few months we've experienced quite a number of them.  here are just a few.

That moment when the asshole Hilux Driver in front of you throws trash out the car window and then runs a red light while speeding 20km/h over the limit.

Talking of speeding...

That moment when you see a Brisbane City BUS doing 10KM over the speed limit and run a red light.

That moment when you become the most hated person at work because you're good at what you do.

That moment when you realise an old friendship is all but over because being assertive is less important than the actual friendship.

That moment when your new car goes from 100km/g to 140km/h faster than a K Road hooker going down on a high paying businessman.

That moment when you realise your friend can actually out-talk you!

That moment when you realise why you have no Christmas spirit.

That moment when you see an old friend and feel nothing.

That moment when you come home and your dog greets you, tail wagging with a great dopey smile on his face.

That moment when his sister the cat slinks in, does a flopsie and looks at you with an expression that says "take a belly... if you dare".

That moment when you know Christmas this year will be harder than any Christmas before it.

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Current Location: Home
Current Mood: reflective
Current Music: None

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Work has been pretty busy lately, what with Caltex job started a week back and lots of long IGA stocktakes lately.  The average job has been going 6+ hours, so per week i'm hitting 30+ hours or more on average.  Just today I did a 4 hour job that included 3 hours paid travel so a total of 7 hours.  Awesome :)

But hell, this work stuff can be tiring.  It's 2am right now.  Last night i crashed at midnight but was up at 6:30 to help Darran out with his car.

In other news... lots of coffee has been had of late, with friends.  Yep, we have friends.  We've been spending a ton of time with Monica, my sista from an Indian mista.  She's pretty awesome and has become great friends with Wendy, too, which is great for Wendy.  More importantly, Mona is 100% honest and has no dramas telling you how it is, so you know right away if you've upset her in any way.  Definitely a breathe of fresh air.

I was thinking the other day of doing up a list of major events in our lives during this last year.  Originally i thought it would have been pretty boring but as it turns out there have been quite a few.  I might work on that for a blog at a later stage.  Some things on it might shock people, some might make others smile, some will no doubt piss others off.  Oh well.

So, i'm going to sign off here, finish up my Chai tea and get to bed.  I'm a little tired.

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Current Location: Home
Current Mood: reflective
Current Music: None

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Miley Cyrus glee episode.... quite entertaining.  But i especially loved that someone was FINALLY willing to put it out in public that Robin Thicke's song "Blurred Lines" is NOT ABOUT DATE RAPE!

Holy fuck it pisses me off when these single-minded haters jump on the date rape bandwagon and go off about this song.  it's got nothing to do with date rape.  Listen to the lyrics.  hell, if that's too hard for you, read the damn things!  Listen to interviews with Thicke and others involved in the writing of the song.  But for the love of the Goddess, do a bit of reading before just screaming 'DATTEEEE RAPPEEEEEE".

Anyway, yeah, not a bad ep.  LOL

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